Keith Harder on When to Be Silent and When to Speak Up

Keith Harder had many thoughtful remarks to make in this week’s teleconference on when to be silent and when to speak up. He talked about monitoring our anxiety during conversations. He described it as noticing our own “temperature.” He said, “When I find myself being particularly anxious in a conversation, I use it as a signal to become curious, to ask questions,” instead of jumping in with his own ideas or advice. He talked about a focus on clarity about what might contribute to the conversation. When we are more secure and more clear, we can speak out of the solid self (whether our natural inclination is to talk a lot or hold back). “It’s a lifelong research project — what pushes my buttons, what gets me reactive.”

The recording of the teleconference is available. E-mail me at, and I’ll send you the link.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *