At a workshop I did yesterday with my colleague Debbie Highsmith at Ministry Days for the Unitarian Universalist Ministers Association, we started talking about helping. Someone raised the question, “Does helping ever help?” It’s a good question. I’ve been thinking about the help I’ve gotten that has truly helped. When I’ve struggled, the people who have been the most useful show some qualities: 1) they stay calm 2) they ask more questions and give less advice 3) they don’t have too much invested in how I do. They are happy when I start doing better, but their sense of self is not dependent on my actions. When I’m the “helper,” and can stay in that same place myself, I find I’m more good to others, too.