In ministry we need a fundamental humility about our ability to change others. When we wilfully try to create people in our own image, we get in the way of God’s work in the change process and the mysterious inner workings of the human heart. I’m being presumptious and arrogant when I think I know exactly what someone else should do. In my own leadership and life I have badly wanted to believe I could change others (especially my family!). But, paradoxically, the more I work to change someone, the more my efforts seem to backfire. When I can give others the respect and room they deserve to find their own path, the more we can all breathe easy and find our way together. This doesn’t mean anything goes: I can be clear about what I will and won’t put up with from others when it directly impacts me. I can be clear about where I am headed with my own goals for ministry and life. But ultimately others have their own choices to make (including whether or not to follow).